Nephi bound by Laman and Lemuel. Artwork by Walter Rane.
I just made that up for my title, and then I realized it sounded familiar. Lo, behold, it’s a common phrase. Huh. One website defined it as follows: Proverb — People do not respect someone they know well enough to know his or her faults.
That’s not how I want to define it today. I wrote it mostly as I mused on how easy it is to be frank, blunt, and perhaps rude and angry to people that you know really well.
For example:
- I feel comfortable berating my old roommates for not doing dishes because I’ve lived with them for so long. [Shame on me for feeling “comfortable” doing this.] I don’t feel so comfortable asking my current roommates to clean up.
- I will yell at my brother for a small infraction unto me, whereas I’ll simply ask my roommate to cease such action.
- From the Book of Mormon: Nephi preaches of the wickedness of sin and the need of repentance to his brothers, Laman and Lemuel. They respond angrily and violently [see: all of 1 Nephi and 2 Nephi; specifically 1 Nephi 16:1-5].
I wouldn’t say I’m quick to anger, but I can harbor grudges, which is a horrible thing to do. People may offend me, and on the surface, nothing is wrong. But ofttimes, on the inside, I can feel hurt or wronged.
And why do I feel this way? I shouldn’t. In a General Conference address in October 2006, Elder David A. Bednar counseled that to be offended is a choice we make. And besides, I’d reckon that most “offenses” are merely highlighting areas in which I may improve the quality of my life, no?
Specific example time. I was talking on the phone with my mom this afternoon, and we discussed the fact that I still don’t have a driver’s license. She mentioned that she spoke to my younger brother, Ryan, about how I drive, and he reported that I thought I was a good driver, but in his opinion, I still have a lot to learn. My mom suggested I finish Driver’s Ed and do the driving sessions so I can have a professional tell me on what to improve. She also said, “You should have someone you don’t know teach you so you can’t get angry at them for correcting you.”
I was hurt. Internally, I was at war with myself. “Hey! I don’t get angry at people for correcting me– waiiiiit. Yes I do. I’m doing it now. Dang it.”
And it’s true. I can get frustrated with and angry towards my siblings and parents if they correct me on something that I feel is okay and they know is not. That’s not cool.
And what if I’m not familiar with the one correcting me?
Right now, I’m taking a Latin Ballroom dance class with Brent Keck. He is known by dance students as one of the most straightforward and blunt dance instructors at BYU. You will get critiqued and torn apart and disappointed. He will not give you happiness and sunshine and unicorns who eat rainbows and poop candy. But you know what? Here’s the secret: you get better.
It’s 1000% true, right? If I run through a dance routine or a test or anything feeling like I’m going to completely rock it, usually I will perform horribly. If, however, I feel like I have much to improve upon, stay humble, and work hard, I… okay, I might still perform horribly, but it’s more likely that I’ll improve my abilities in this way.
I’ve kind of strayed from my original path. The point is, it’s interesting that I’m more prone to accept the advice and correction of someone I don’t know more than I am likely to accept the advice of a family member. Optimally, I will accept both parties’ advice equally, eagerly, and easily.
Most of the time, when people correct me, their desire is to make me become better, not to prove that they are better than I.
In closing, the words of Lehi to his sons Laman and Lemuel, they who responded angrily to Nephi’s correction:
“. . . I know that he hath not sought for power nor authority over you, but he hath sought. . . your own eternal welfare.
And ye have murmured because he hath been plain unto you. Ye say that he hath used sharpness; ye say that he hath been angry with you; but behold, his sharpness was the sharpness of the power of the word of God, which was in him; and that which he call anger was the truth. . .” (2 Nephi 1: 25-26, emphasis added).
I need to stop acting like an immature little boy and taking others’ corrections as a personal attack. And so I shall. [You now have permission to gruffly remind me to do so if I fail. Thanks. 🙂 ]
Patience and Procrastination 